Toxic Relationships: Are you Turning Red Flags Green?

It is so easy to get distracted in the honeymoon period of a new relationship; those first few months people are typically on their best behavior.  However, over time people show us who they are and it’s our job to listen.  In the excitement of a new relationship we want to only see their good attributes and tend to ignore concerning behavior.  Here are some indications that you’re guilty of ignoring signs that you are with the wrong person.

Ask yourself if you ignore, rationalize, or justify your intuition? We are given an intuition to help guide us in life.  If you listen closely to that nagging feeling, you could avoid getting into toxic relationships and save yourself a lot of heartache.

Are your friends and family telling you that they don’t like your partner?  Sometimes our loved ones can see things that we are not willing to see.  If your loved ones don’t like your partner, I would be curious to figure out why that is and take a closer look. 

Are you justifying unacceptable behavior? Are you tolerating bad behavior, such as angry outbursts, excessive jealousy, invasion of privacy (snooping through your phone)? Do you tell yourself that they do these things because they love you?  

Are you questioning if you are going crazy? You may begin to be unable to decipher between the truth and the lies your partner tells you.  

Does your partner justify dishonesty in the relationship? Pay attention because your partner is essentially saying that lying is ok.  Small lies can become big ones. 

Also, pay attention that their words match their actions.  Congruency is vital in a healthy relationship.  For example, you are told “I really want to be in a monogamous relationship with you”.  Yet you find them texting their ex.  This is another example of a Red Flag.  The more you paint these red flags green, the more your relationship is built on a bed of deceit and deception. 

It takes time to break the pattern of turning red flags green.  Give yourself sometime before getting involved in another relationship.  Ideally seeking professional help to uncover the roots of your toxic relationships.  Often past trauma, attachment issues, and self-esteem deficits can affect our role in relationships.  So, identifying our underlying issues is empowering, liberating, and freeing.   

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Mercedes Cusick Therapist